Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
