No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
