How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
