Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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