It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we're so committed to being not committed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
