they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
