If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
