I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
