Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
