youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
