My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
