i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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