So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
