You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
