Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
