My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
