you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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