My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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