sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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