i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I love you. Go after that dick
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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