Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
