all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
