my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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