He kissed a someone with a penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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