im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
