If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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