I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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