is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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