So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
