That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
