You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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