I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
