Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
