did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.