I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
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Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.