Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
