It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife