??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
