The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
