i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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