why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
