have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
