if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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