How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
