Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
