shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
