At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
