You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
