you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
