Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
