feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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