the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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