I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
