I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
