I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
