the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How does it feel to date your dad?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
