it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
