New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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