Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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