TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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