Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
