Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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