How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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