A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
