Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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