i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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