i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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