day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
