I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dick very happy bro
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
