I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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