3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
