We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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