He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
