could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
