just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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