I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
