Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
