Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
