I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
