My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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