if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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