So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Barsexuality is the new black.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
